blah

hey sorry, got a lot going on, i havent had time to blog too often.

Well....hmmm. Not too many interesting things going on right now.

Andy Mac is back! woot woot!

And...I broke up with Joseph, you guys. I bet everyone is happy....I suggested a break, then he totally spazzed and refused to call me. So I ended it. I mean, seriously, thats stupid.

Im having a kind of tough time dealing with it, but I try to be as happy as possible. I mean, whats the point of being all heartbroken over someone who ended up just like every other guy Ive ever dated? After all, I do have a couple of other guys in my mind...

Christmas was kind of boring, just went to my moms Christmas Eve (SCARY) and then hung out at my place the next day. I went up to see Joe on Boxing Day until the 30th, then we broke up 3 days later. After he got me an mp3 player WOOT!

My New Years was pretty fun, I hung out with 2 of my bestest friends, Dom and Aysha. It was so fun! We just sat around being fatties and talking about everything from Jesus to boys to...any topic you can think of LOL! It was so fun, not quite as good as last year, but oh well:)

Ummm...I havent been writing much lately, but I do want to get a journal to write in, its much easier, then I can just write whenever the mood strikes. Lately, Ive been getting really good ideas for writing, but I dont have any paper to write on in front of me! It sucks so much to have a great idea then have to let it fade away *tear*.

Ive been pretty sad the last couple of days, but no one really knows ive been acting extremely happy, but im not. Ive had some help getting through it, thanks you guys! Beracah especially, your emails are so encouraging! Yours too Nicole! Thanks for all of your support!

My relationship with Jesus was going down for a bit, I lost some faith about a week before Christmas. I was thinking some really stupid things, and was going to do some really stupid things...but I didnt. Proud of me?

My faith is pretty much all back now, but theres still a little trace of doubt in my mind about some things, and I would really appreciate it if you could pray for me a little. Thanks if you can!

My New Years resolutions are:

1. No more skipping
2. No smoking ( good job! a year!)
3. Keep faith in God
4. Stop being so mean to some people.
5. Dont do anything too stupid.

SO yea... Thats my blog. Sorry, Ive lost some of my writing talent, I havent written for a while. I'll get it back though, dont worry!

Comments would be appreciated!

Victoria weekend

So yeah i've been told to blog sorry it took so long guys!
Well, lets see...

Yesterday Crystal and I got back from Victoria after going up for her boyfriends birthday. We stayed an extra day. It was so frikkin fun!!!!!!!!!! We stayed at the wonderfully beautiful Nicole Brindle's place and hung out with Nicole, Jeff, Ashley, Clayton, Jim, Joey, and Dennis all weekend! We only saw Kyle once and that made me sad...but we'll see him soon!

Anyways, since I am totally bored right now i'm going to write something nice about everyone from Victoria!

Jeff- Wow. You are totally awesome. Im so happy that you and Crystal are finally together, your the only boyfriend I've approved of. I only trust you to treat her as she deserves, like a princess. I LOVE YOU!

Ashley- You could possibly be the coolest person i've ever met. Im dead serious. Your so frikkin gorgeous, your funny, and you really care about your friends. I LOVE YOU!

Jim- You are a very chill guy. You dont talk much, but when you do its something Id want to remember (that could just be because I dont hear you talk often). Your really funny and you play guitar, so you must be "The cool one" in the group. I LOVE YOU!

Kyle- You are a very interesting guy. I really want to get to know you better, because I dont talk to you as much as everyone else. We HAVE to change that! I LOVE YOU!

Joey- Wow. I mean seriously....WOW. You are so random and hilarious! Like when you were randomly singing in Nicole's kitchen while Jim was playing the guitar and he stopped and you kept singing? LOL! Well yea I really would like to get to know you better. Unfortunately, i cant say I love you yet, but you are well on your way!

Dennis- And I thought Jim was quiet! Your so quiet, seriously you need to talk more! Like...all I heard you say was Hi and See ya the first night! After that you were talking more, and I'd love to get to know you. Like Joey, your well on your way for me to say I love you :D

Nicole Brindle- Come on. Who DOESNT love Nicole?!?! I mean your so....Pretty....and fun and funny... and nice and sweet...and you give good advice. You love talking to people and you are always there for me if I ever have problems. I love you so so so so so MUCH!


Anyways... The weekend was awesome! Aysha, Davan, Domi, and Hannah came up with me and Crystal. It was so awesome for us all to be up there! We had so much fun! Davan finally met Jeff and he definitely approves. Good job, Crystal!

My dad picked me and Crystal up from the ferry and took her to the station. She also slept over last night. THAT was fun LOL! We are now at Dominikas, and she is piercing Crystals nose! ISNT THAT AWESOME?!?! So lots of yelling and complaining going on right about now. Anyways...

OH! CRYSTALS NOSE IS OFFICIALLY PIERCED! That is so awesome!

So yeah... I have a boyfriend now you guys! You know the infamous Joe-fish that no one really liked because they all thought Guenther was better? Im going out with him. And suddenly everyone changed their minds about him? That does not make sense...but I mean, something just told me that I was supposed to go for Joseph and not Guenther. I mean, Gun is nice and all, but I didnt want someone who was so confused about his emotions he was telling everyone a different story about me. So...yeah. There, you all know now.

So...theres my blog about the weekend and all. Sorry, Im kind of losing my talent for writing arent I?
Im going to post a couple of poems Ive written next blog, because I dont have them here. So, I love you all! Bye!

15 days...

ONLY 15 DAYS UNTIL WE GO TO TEEN COUNSELS!

wow im so frikkin excited!

We get to see everyone from camp again! Jeff, Ashley....(L)Guenther(L)

So, how are you all doing today? Ive had a pretty bad day, but im not sad because I have youth counsels to look forward to!

Ive been having pretty bad dreams lately, and they are starting to scare me.

I dreamt a very close friend moved back to Montreal.

I dreamt another one overdosed on Exstacy.

I dreamt that all of my leaders totally forgot who I was and didnt want to talk to me.

I dreamt that one of my friends killed themselves.

And I also dreamt that I was invisible, that no one could see me, that no one even remembered me....

Im kind of freaked out, because Ive had all those dreams within the last 2 weeks, and I usually never remember my dreams. Any interperatations?

On another note, most of my friends have been pretty angry or depressed lately. But no one seems to want me around any more. If you really dont, just tell me, I dont want to play any games with anyone anymore. Im praying for all of you to get through your hard times.

And {I had to put this in} I REALLY MISS ANDY AND BERACAH! I wish you two would email me once in a while, instead of me only talking to you when Im lucky enough to catch you on MSN. We all miss you (and Nicole, of course) and Id liek to hear from you more. I LOVE YOU!

Counting down the days....15 days.....i wish time would move faster

Everything is getting better....not perfect, but better!
I just want you all to know that, although Im stupid sometimes, although Im emotional, although I sometimes say things I dont mean...I really do love you, and i just need you to be there for me. Even if youd rather be anywhere else. Because Im trying really hard right now to not get mixed up in the things I did before. Im trying to stay clean, keep on top of my life, and not let certain people ruin everything for me. Just to warn you all... please, deal with me. Ive done it for all of you at some point, and ill do it again

ONLY ONE MORE MONTH UNTIL TEEN COUNSELS!

so, how are we all doing today?

i hope i find you all in good health, with the Lords goodness shining down on you all!


Question: What do you do when your friends with someone, and you got sick so did not go somewhere that you promised them you would go, and they get really mad at you and dont want to be friends?

Please pray for my friendship with a very close friend....and all my friendships, i suppose, right now. All of them are kind of rocky right now, besides my friendship with Jesus.

And im not doing too great on my No Skipping/Honour Role goals either.

im really close to just giving up, giving in to everything...I almost started smoking again. I just want to be invisible right now, disappear from the world, colourless, untouchable...seperated. I want to let go of my life.







She wants to let go, she wants to slip away
She longs to disappear, more and more every day
Shes searching for something, of what, shes not sure
It seems like the whole entire universe is a blur

Colours dont seem existent, everything melts into one
The invisible rainclouds have entirely blocked out the sun
All she wants is someone, who will always always be there
Shes losing faith in life; she just cant take anymore stares

She reaches out to certain people, but they dont return her trust
She longs inside for someone to care;she searches for them with lust
love is something she cant find... she just about gives up the fight
If you could see the scars on her soul, it would be a horrible sight

She cant take this pain any longer, she just cant stand herself
Shes dead beyond the reaches of any kind of help
She decides to let go, she decides theres nothing to gain
She lets go very slowly...and lets her soul be slain

*tear&

You guys....terrible news.

I got kicked out yesterday.
Please, please, please, please, PLEASE pray for me. Im not going to move back in with my mom ever again. But I still need prayers...

So, I was walking down the street. I was 15 minutes late getting home. I met my mom on the street. She started yelling at me in the middle of the street.
"SO YOU CANT EVEN FOLLOW MY RULES IN MY HOUSE?! YOUR 15 MINUTES LATE! YOUR F---ING GROUNDED! YOUR NOT ALLOWED GOING TO YOUTH GROUP ANYMORE! ALL YOU PROBABLY F---ING DO THERE IS A BUNCH OF DRUGS AND F--- AROUND WITH GUYS!"
"Dont you say that about my youth group! YOUVE NEVER EVEN BEEN THERE BEFORE! Im going no matter what you say."
"IF YOU DONT FOLLOW MY RULES GET THE F--- OUT OF MY HOUSE! IF YOU GO TO YOUTH GROUP IM GOING TO F---ING CALL THE F---ING COPS ON AARON!"
"Thats what you want isnt? If you want me out of the house, just say so!"
"FINE! GET OUT! TONIGHT!"

So, I went home and packed up my clothes. My sister told me I was being stupid, and said that everything, in short, was my fault. I stayed silent and kept packing my clothes. I phoned my dad to see if I could move with him for a while. He said yes.

Right now, Im on a computer in the library. I stayed at Britannys last night, and will probably go to Dominikas tonight. I dont really want to live long term with my dad...but I guess I have no choice. She told my little sister Amber that I was never allowed going back to the house...She said she was signing me over to my dad. I think Im going into foster care because I cant handle living with my dad and his girlfriend....

A wierd thing is I knew it was going to happen. As soon as I was about to leave, I just knew that I was going to move. I asked Britanny before if I could stay at her place, because I just KNEW that I was going to be kicked out.

Please, please pray for me. I really need them! DESPERATELY! Any advice would totally rock too! Im really freaked out becuase I dont really know where Im going to be staying for the next little while. There really isnt enough room at my dads. But Im kind of happy that Im out of my moms. Im also happy that I have some great friends who I can stay with until I go to a counsellor or something...

poem again

She sits and hides behind all the lies
She doesnt know why she bothers to try
Nobody sees how she feels inside
Nobody knows that she cries at night

All people see is a normal girl
With a normal life in a normal world
They dont know whats going on inside
They cant see the pain she hides

She cant think, cant feel, cant see where shes going
She doesnt care about herself, shes dying very slowly...
Shes got a lot of friends, but they cant be true
Are friends really friends when they lie to you?

Her sister seems to hate her, her mom does too
Love is something in this family that never really grew
Her parents are apart, they were since she was 2
Her friends mostly believe that the drugs they do are cool

She decides to try, she doesnt think anyone cares
She cant take the dirty looks, all those dirty stares
She hides behind the drugs now, she lets her feelings go
She doesnt need to ever again put on a fake show

She puts a wall up, to block out all the pain
She cant take it anymore...theres nothing left to gain
Her soul, it seems, has been totally slain
The sun has gone away, and forever theres been rain

She thinks of suicide, she plots away her life
All of her emotions are charged into the knife
She just wants to know love, from friends and this one guy
She aims her tarnished love at him, but the love, he just denies

She thinks no greater pain can come and she wants her life to end
She thinks these scars upon her soul have no way to mend
But then...

Her friend takes her to a special place, she calls it 614
In this place, she finds out that life could be much more
She finally discovered someone special in her life
He helped her get through all the terror and the strife

He let her see just how much love was, for her, waiting
Her friends always loved her, it was her who found them hating
He let her see all the love in the world
Jesus showed His love to this beautiful young girl


That was and is my life. Tell me what you think about my poem!